Theory and Background
Socialization Saves Lives Theory
Watch this before starting anything else! Understanding the theory behind this approach is key. It means the difference between success and failure. By understanding why we are doing this, you will be able to assess when the cat is ready for the next step, if you need to adjust any of your movements and if you moved ahead too quickly and the cat needs to go backwards one or two steps.
Why socialize?
I believe in Trap, Neuter, Return (TNR) but sometimes we can’t return the cat to where she came from. I also advocate being honest with ourselves as to the real reasons why we need to return the cat.
Which cats can be socialized?
All cats can be socialized regardless of age. Kittens are much quicker to socialize, but adult cats can become cuddle bunnies too! Ideally the cat is food motivated, but we can make adjustments for cats who are only play motivated and have even worked with cats who are neither food nor play motivated. We have worked with blind cats, tripod cats and even back legs paralyzed cats. If you don’t see modifications on this site for your cat’s situation, contact us. We are always willing to try if you are willing to do what we recommend. So far we have been successful with every new cat situation!
Who can socialize?
Anyone can socialize as long as you follow these instructions, don’t try to mix in other methods, and hold off on your urge to pet the cat. To be successful, you need to be calm and stay in the “now” without having any expectations of the cat (you’ll find out why in the “Theory” video). Don’t take anything personally—the cat is just scared and needs your empathy and understanding.
Things that slow down socialization
A lot of the “traditional approach” advice actually slows down socialization such as putting the cat in the bathroom and splitting up rescued cats.
The stages of fear
Many people think that when a cowering cat lets you pet her, she is human friendly. But this is actually the most fearful stage—”petrified.” A hissy, swipey cat is further along the confidence spectrum. So when you are following the SSL method (and not the traditional forced love approach*) and your petrified, frozen cat starts to hiss and swipe it is actually a good thing! The cat is starting to get more comfortable and gain confidence. Because SSL is cat-led and we have the cat initially come to us, you won’t be reaching out to the cat to get swiped so hissy and swipey is ok. In fact the SSL method keeps the human safer throughout the socialization process vs. the traditional approach that makes you keep putting yourself and your hand in harm’s way.
*When a cat starts to hiss and swipe using the traditional forced love approach, that is not a good thing.
Key Points
Socialize just before mealtime & feed the cat normal amounts of food
Socialize the cat just before mealtime in order to maximize the value of the treats. Do not withhold food or reduce the amount of food you give to the cat to “make him hungry.” You achieve this just as effectively by doing your socialization sessions just before mealtime. Many of these cats were just rescued and need all of the nutrition they can get! Plus imagine always feeling hungry…you would be irritable and not able to feel calm and relaxed. So why do this to the cat if our goal is to get the cat engaged with and trust us?
If you have a different schedule one day and need to feed a meal 1-2 hours later so that you can fit in the socialization session, that’s ok! Also feel free to shift the timing of the two meals to make it work with your schedule. I aim for 8-12 hours between meals. But if there is a 16 hour difference between breakfast and dinner that’s ok because the cat’s day is just in reverse (since there is 8 hours between dinner and breakfast).
Read the Setup section about Wet/Canned Food for more details.
All you need is 30 minutes a day (and in the advanced stages only 10 minutes a day)
Socializing a cat shouldn’t be stressful for you. In fact, it’s the opposite. As you apply techniques to help the cat become relaxed and calm, you’ll find that you become relaxed and calm too! It’s important for you to feel relaxed and calm because the cat responds to your energy.
Socializing doesn’t take a ton of time, just aim for 30 minutes a day. If you can do longer, great! And in some of the steps you really only need 10 - 15 minutes a day (because the cat gobbles up the treat so quickly). Consistency is important. You can skip one day here and there but try not to skip too many days in a row. But if you need to skip because of work or travel, don’t worry! Just make sure to resume the next session 1-2 steps prior to where you left off in order to get the cat comfortable again after the break.
If you are busy one or a few days, you can always sit with the cat and do 2-3 minutes of slow blinks and leave a treat. But if you are very sick or are in a bad/stressed out state, it is better to skip the session. You’ll find that when you are unable to be calm and relaxed, the cat will dig in his heels and not make much progress during that session—the cat responds to your energy. Otherwise, 30 minutes is the typical minimum amount of time. Do not follow the traditional approach advice to visit the cat for 5 minutes 8 times a day. Watch the Theory video above to understand why this will backfire and just stress the cat out even more.
Feed only wet food for meals
Feed only wet food. Feed the cat twice a day (feed kittens three times a day). You will do your daily socialization session just before a meal in order to maximize the value of the treat during the socialization. I see a big difference in how far the cat will go when I socialize just before a meal or after a meal. If you free feed dry food all day, you won’t be able to get this benefit.
Some traditional approach advice tells you to reduce the amount of food that you feed the cat. Do not do that! Many cats get hangry (anger due to hunger) when they are too hungry. I’ve had some more challenging cats get aggressive and swipey when they are too hungry. In these instances, we actually do the session one hour after meal time and the cat is much more calm! So imagine how pissed off the cat would be if you reduced the amount of food for meals. Plus, we usually rescue these cats off the streets where they haven’t been getting enough nutrition and as part of rehabilitation we need to get them healthy in addition to social. Withholding the amount of food for meals just doesn’t make sense. These cats need as much nutrition as they can get!
By doing the session just before meals, you get the same benefit that the traditional approach tries to get by reducing/withholding meals.
If you free feed dry food all day, then you won’t get the benefit of the treat being valuable enough to lure the cat. That’s one reason why we only feed wet food. The other reason is that it’s healthier, reduces the risk of urinary issues as the cat gets older (because of lack of hydration) and the fillers in dry food can lead to the cat becoming overweight. Check out catinfo.org for more information.
We also want to save the dry kibble to be something special so that we can use it as a treat. Some cats are not wet treat motivated and we may need to use dry treats for socialization. We also rely on dry kibble for the Approach sequence. If the cat also eats the kibble for meals, then it is no longer special and loses its value.
Hydration: Some folks advocate feeding dry food and using a water fountain. But I’ve seen (and from my own personal experience) that most people don’t have the time to completely take apart the water fountain twice a week and thorough scrub it to prevent mold and bacteria from growing in there (even with a filter!). It’s even worse that many have plastic parts so you can’t fully sanitize it. I also often see people just top off the water daily instead of throwing out and replacing the water daily. People already say they don’t have time to socialize, so I figure they probably don’t have time to properly clean and maintain a water fountain.
Read the Setup section about Wet/Canned Food and for more details.
Leave the cat alone for meals
As any parent knows, when you are starving and just want to eat, its really annoying to have little kids bugging you. Multiply that by more than 10 for the scared cat.
Feed the cat then leave the room. Let the cat eat in peace and he’ll really appreciate it. Use the treats for socialization to create the positive association. Additionally, these cats we rescue need nutrition and you are delaying giving that cat nutrition when you follow the traditional approach advice to only feed the cat when you are there. So when the cat is petrified of you, the cat will just not eat. This can cause serious health issues including deadly liver problems.
Just trust me on this. Many people over the years came to me as a last resort, desperate because the traditional approach failed them. They tried all of it including requiring the cat to tolerate their presence in order to eat and survive and it didn’t work. We changed everything including leaving the cats alone to eat and the cats made amazing progress and became loving kitties. This is because the goal of SSL isn’t merely to get the cat to tolerate you. We get the cat to love you and enjoy your company.
Maximum 2 Churu/squeezable sticks a day and 15 dry treats a day
Most cats go crazy for the Churu squeezable treats but it’s important to only give 2 sticks a day, otherwise it can cause diarrhea and stomach issues since we socialize daily. Some cats are very sensitive and can only eat one stick a day before getting diarrhea.
Since too many dry treats can also cause diarrhea, I prefer to use dry kibble when we need a dry treat. So first try to find a dry kibble brand and flavor that the cat loves. But if the kibble isn’t enticing enough, then use dry treats at max 15 pieces a day (sometimes max for a cat is 10 pieces a day).
Read the Setup section about Wet/Canned Food for more details.
Use a playpen in the initial stages
Do whatever it takes to be able to set up the cat in a good sized playpen. It makes a huge difference and accelerates socialization. The playpens we use are dog playpens with a mesh ceiling so that the cat can’t jump out. Make sure to read and watch all the content about playpens in the Setup section.
Watch the Theory video to understand why using a crate is one of the worst things you can do when socializing. In addition to preventing all the crate issues, the playpen enables you to sit in the same space as the cat to be able to lure the cat to you and have the cat decide to come over, engage with and touch you. The reason why a playpen is much more effective (especially initially) than having the cat in a room is that you are able to control the hiding spaces of the cat. You must give the cat a cat cave—a place for the cat to feel safe (more on cat caves below).
A playpen is also much better than letting the roam free in a room. If a cat is hiding in the closet or under the bed or dresser, you can’t interact with the cat. Unfortunately, the ways the traditional forced love approach handles this is to reach in and grab the cat or reach in and try to pet the cat. Imagine hiding from a monster and the only thing you see coming through the narrow opening is a hand coming right at you. That is frightening. The alternative is to leave the cat alone to hide, then you’ll find months later that the cat hasn’t made any progress on his own.
Read the Setup section about playpens for more details.
Do not pet the cat until you reach the petting sequence
You’ll see this repeated multiple times across the site to the point of it getting annoying. But that is because it is so key to SSL working and I’ve seen people fail when they don’t follow that instruction. Watch the Theory video to understand why delaying petting is a major factor in gaining the cat’s trust.
Don’t split up cats
The traditional approach advises to split up cats, warning that the friendlier cat will “learn bad habits” from the more scared or hissy cat. I’ve found that it is the opposite. The less scared cat will engage with you sooner in the SSL method while the more scared cat hangs back and watches. The more scared cat then learns from observing the other cat and it actually helps him overcome his fear.
Leverage human friendly resident/foster cats
As long as the rescue cat is not proven to hate other cats, when they are really petrified and won’t come out of the cat cave for weeks even with the reset and lots of correct slow blinks from you, the best thing to try is to bring a human friendly cat into the picture. The rescue cat is in the play pen and the human friendly cat roams the home, and you lure the human friendly cat up to the playpen door with treat (initially outside of the playpen). When you aren’t doing sessions spend a lot of time playing with, petting and giving treats to the human friendly cat in front of/outside of the playpen where the rescue cat can observe.
Often the rescue cat will gain confidence in watching the other cat, and as long as you are careful to keep both cats safe (that’s why we start with the human friendly cat outside of the playpen only so you can observe the body language of both cats), you can then unzip the door of the playpen and sit inside the playpen right next to the open door. This prevents the rescue cat from running out because the rescue cat would have to go over you first to do so. Then lure the human friendly cat into the playpen to walk across and play on your extended legs. Often you’ll see the rescue cat curiously observe the other cat then after a few days the rescue cat starts to join in on the fun! Make sure the eyes of the rescue cat show curiosity and not fear or too much focus (that look when a cat gives a stare down before attacking another cat).